He was miserable and so was I. The love that we once shared that burned so deeply for each other had faded away. He was very vocal and made it clear he was unhappy and me being very open about my emotions was stating the same. Our dates turned into being less spontaneous and fun and more like chores. We were just going through the motions of what was expected of us as a couple. There was clearly no flame and no future. We would argue and “break up” but immediately get back together. I knew it needed to end and so did he yet we continued on like this for months. We were SETTLING.
Reasons why we settle.
1 Fear of hurting the other person
“Girl he does not want to be with you but he does not want to hurt you”. Those were the exact words of my best friend. Sometimes we stay in relationships because we do not want to hurt the other person. We care about them and do not want to see them hurt. But by doing this we are actually hurting them more. We are confusing them as well as ourselves. There is no reason to feel guilty for walking away from a relationship that is not fulfilling to you anymore. Although you think your easing the blow by staying your not. You can not protect someone by lying or misleading them.
2. Fear of starting over
For me I had put my time, energy and tears into the relationship for multiple years and I just did not want to let that go. I felt like I had made an investment and needed to get something back in my return. Plus it was not the first failed relationship and I did not want to start over. The process is so tedious. The thought of having to go through the process of getting to know someone new all over can be overwhelming. However that fear of starting will prevent you from getting that new chance and change that you need in regards to love . Yes you are leaving familiar territory but sometimes the grass is actually greener on the other side.
3. Low Self Worth
Some people stay in relationships because they feel they can not get better. They somehow have convinced themselves that the person that they are with is the only person that may put up with them and that their chances of finding anyone else are slim to none.
4. Social Pressure
One of the reasons for settling that I have noticed people rarely want to admit is indirect pressure for those around them. If your friends are anything like mine majority of them are in long term relationships , married and have kids. To be the single one in this group could be quite the bummer. This can cause a person to feel they need to be a certain phase in there own life and in order to fulfill that desire they will stay in a relationship they are in because they are supposed too and its the fastest path to get what the other around them have (even though its clearly not headed in that direction.)
5. They are liars
Ok, I probably should have worded that a little different but to be honest being in denial is a form of lying to yourself. Being in a relationship making excuses for everything purposely ignoring the bad and denying the truth is all a way lying and deceiving yourself. Sometimes the biggest part of settling is facing the truth that it is over and time to move on. You know what they say though : “The truth will set you free “