Battling Her


Any other day I look at her I see a smiling , happy , beautiful and even dare I say strong woman. But today she is nothing but an empty shell of herself. Her hair she didn’t comb it , she is still wearing yesterday’s make up and I’m not sure if her shirt is even clean. Her clothes they barely fit as if they are hanging off her. Usually she takes so much pride in how she walks out the house but today it was a struggle to even get her out of bed. 

She sits there in the corner of her room where she feels no one can see her although she’s alone. It is just me and her here and I can’t even look at her even if I wanted to not in this way at least.

I tried to console her to tell her it’s okay but there’s nothing I can say that can get her out this mood. I told her this feeling is just temporary, that this moment will pass I told her to just try to get up and work on her troubles instead of wallowing in her personal hell. She can hear me loud and clear but she isn’t listening.

She’s too far gone lost in her state of depression. Her anxiety won’t allow her to think straight she’s knows I am right but she can’t think reasonably right now her mind has gone to an overly emotional state I have lost her for now and she’s no longer in control of herself.

I get so frustrated with her because we have been down this road before I’m losing my patience with her I’m getting angry at her. I hate when she acts like this I hate when she allow herself to get this way ! I hate her !

Now we are fighting (me and her fight so much about this ) and I am angry she is crying we are both all over the place I tried to help her I really did I tried to be strong for her but what can I say what can I do I rallied for her but she is stuck right now on the sidelines. I know she doesn’t want anyone to look at her but I don’t care

I want to look her in the eyes.

I get up and grab the mirror and I see her.

I see the tears , I see the anger, I see the fear. I stare into the mirror she’s conflicted she knows she can get through this but she just doesn’t know how and I can not help her.

– Nicole

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